This is the motivation

158

I have been being better I suppose. I have been drinking a kale juice with lemon juice and ginger that I blend every morning. I've been fasting after the juice until about dinner time, but then I binge. I am not counting calories, I am not being disciplined of my work outs.I've been depressed for some time. It was triggered from my severe anxiety and now I am on medication that makes me feel sane or just numbs it. However, I feel like it inhibits my ability to lose weight. The pills don't make me hungry, but god only knows what it does to my body. I can tell my metabolism definitely slowed down extremely. I need to stop eating completely.I need to save all my money. I have a wedding to plan. I want to be 120 so bad. This picture will be my motivation for the week. I would like to lose these 8 pounds ASAP and move onto my next goal. I am going having my kale juice and then we are going to a shiva which will probably only be carbs, so I will have to choose wisely or fake eat and barely eat. I am going to run a few miles now and clear my head. It's about to explode with all the pressure to lose weight and just be perfect. I know I can be thin and perfect. I know. CW: 158 GW BY END OF WEEK: 150

161.4

So it's been 5 plus years since my last post. I feel like so much has happened and yet I have not come to far from where I was in 2010. This blog has always been about my battle with food and my weight. I won't delve too much into all the life changes I have had, but the most gruesome has been my weight gain. I remember last year when I was living on my own, I weighed in at 148 and I knew that was FAT, but I could manage to eat better and lose it. Somehow I just lost it. Now I weigh 161.4. 161.4 I can't get over that. 161.4. Some days I binge, some days I starve, but I am also 27 and not a 22 year old with a fast metabolism. I keep trying a new juice cleanse or classpass or intense sessions of soul cycle or running. Gosh, I haven't really ran. Not like I used too. Today I ran on my path by my parents, but its been so long since I ran everyday for miles. Of course, now I have a full time job and so many things I am constantly trying to accomplish. Anyways I will get into that on another post. I want to start this post how I left off... Today 1/19/15 I consumed a green juice (love this instead of coffee), I had nothing until dinner and I binged on chicken, sweet plaintains, 4oz rice and beans and a banana. Here is to hoping tomorrow I can fast all day and just consume natural juices, seltzer and black coffee. 1/19: 161.4 Goal for 2/19: 150

how long before you screw it up.

I'm fasting today. coffee and water. 110. Stay Strong x0

Be a good girl, try a little harder. That simply wasn't good enough to make us proud.

skinny wins

Me at 118 two weeks ago. My legs were still fat. It's my problem area. SO I feel perhaps once I get to 110, my legs will finally shrink, lets hope so! I am hopefully fasting all day today. I've had about 4 cups of coffee already and water and oops ginger ale but i was starving so i guess soda might be better than food. I'm getting more coffee and going to the library in 20 minutes. Making moves today and not eating! P.S. Ana and Mia bracelets coming soon...I noticed their is not a good resource to order any of them from. I think this is a new little business plan for me and I'll order the supplies and start making them soon. I will also post pictures. Ok so quote of the day : EVERY TIME I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO EAT, I HAVE THE STRENGTH TO REFUSE.

stay strong x0

Ana's Bitch...Something always brings me back to you & it never takes too long.

Back to being Ana's bitch. Goal is 110, I'm about 120 now yo-yoing between 120-122, so I need to stop eating. Self-control! It's all about getting skinny and getting revenge! Stay Strong Bitches X0

118

how did this happen? i weigh 118?!!?! oh maybe the fact that I haven't barely eaten in 3 days and I'm doing so good. Now i decided I will do anything to be thin cause its my only way to happiness. I used to think love or something else could make me happy but now I understand thin is the way to feel good, the way to happiness. A lot of craziness has been going on this week and I mean insanity!! This blog may be the only thing to keep me sane! My ex boyfriend who has been MIA for 2 yrs came back into my life unexpectingly. I was shocked. He has been one of the major reasons why I decided to be ana. So I decided to go see him two nights ago. I didn't eat the days before since I wanted to look extra skinny. Then I saw him and I thought everything was going to be so different like maybe I could still love him. But no. I went there and I realize how much better I am then him, like now I really realize. Thank You ANA! He said I looked really skinny like I'm a drugs---hey i'll take it. then he made a comment that my legs are still fat. Damn that hurts. But they are. It's my chubby, thick thighs, thank you mother. So new plan and new goal of 110. Because 115 just won't do. I am happy I am at 118. I just ate though lettuce, avocado and 4 small meatballs. No carbs but its the first thing I've had in 3 days and a little bit of carbs since I think my mom puts whole wheat bread in the meatballs. Anyways I feel now that I decided to put my ex in the past with everything else, I just feel free. free to be happy and give all my time to ana. I love starving and feeling empty and focus on other more important things. I'll update more later for now I'm going to go finish up some work and get ready and prepared for what will hopefully be my last semester of college!! woot woot Stay Strong x0

hunger hurts & I want him so bad. oh it kills.

So I fell off. Binged all weekend on crap. Ate yesterday. Today I'm fasting and I'm not eating anything until I lose lets say 5 pounds. So when I'm 120. My new goal is still 115. Intake today: black coffee-5 cals. and drinking lemon water. no food today. none. lets go Stay Strong X0

fiona apple

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFOzayDpWoI&feature=channel

So fragile we are, we just don't show it. So sexy we are we just don't know it.

all I ate yesterday was a handful of cashews and just drank coffee then selzter and lemon juice til the hunger pains went away. Thank GOD for lemon juice. love it. Going to make some coffee. Good morning. Stay STrong x0

I wanna be like you when I grow up. THiN.

115

love it when you call me LEGS

she throws up, whatever she eats
She leave the bathroom, with a nosebleed
Regular Girl, Celebrity Dreams




She barely eats at all and when she does she eats light. Indulge in a meal, if a toilet's in sight.



Expose those fries, Can't hold them down.To be 7 pounds, you must release 7 pounds.

i binged on bananas

LOL. I almost didn't eat after my coffee last night but I ended up binging on a banana, cheese on whole wheat and frosted flakes. o well. I just weighed myself and my sister is reading my weight first tells me I'm 122 but liess I'm 124 yay lost like 3 pounds. 9 more to go! I have been having seltzer, water and coffee and just had a handful of cashews, going for a coffee run and a run! STAY STRONG X0

Ugh.

So I was trying to fast again today even though I cheated a little this morn, but I just ate dinner. FML
Intake today:
coffee-5 cals
egg whites-30
tablespoon of hummus and sun dried tomatoes (2)-60
banana
2 pieces of chicken
5 spoons of black beans

ok who knows how much that is. I just felt so weak not even hungry, but I'm should be under 500 cal for todays intake. Having coffee now and thats it.

Hunger Hurts, Starving Works

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
Cuz I know Im a mess he dont wanna clean up
I got to fold cuz these hands are too shaky to hold
hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love.

140

135

130

125

120

115-----------Happiness

Thank YOU ANA

So I pretty much fasted today. Thanks ANA

coffee/skim milk-15 cal

coffee-5 cal

gum- about 4 piece-15 cal

4 kosher dill pickles-0 cal

I took a laxative tea at around 12 am its now 2 :22am going to bed and hopefully will wake up to bowel movements hah gross but I need to get rid of all the shit I've been eating. I wonder if I can fast tom. all day too...lets see. STAY STRONG XO

New Year New Me 2010

It's a new year. new goals. I forgot about Ana and my life went to hell seriously lost control of everything. I gained a couple pounds during finals and holidays. So I'm starting today only coffee and water. If I need to eat I can fake eat. I need to get back to the mentality that food makes me physically ill. GOAL: 120. lets go! stay strong X0

Fasting...6 more pounds to go.

I was finally successful in fasting all day Monday. I did pretty good today too. I had 4 wasabi crackers= 30 cal. 3 cups of black coffee=15 cals. Egg whites with cheese-100 cals. Toal of 145 calories for the day. I need to stay within 200 calories til Saturaday. Gym for an hour and a half-burned 500 calories. I am trying to fast tomorrow too. I need to look skinny skinny Friday for Halloween, so I can look like cracked out Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. I am 126 now, FML. Next goal is 120. 6 more pounds, 6 more pounds!!! Stay Strong X0

Monday again.

Today is Monday. I've been eating like a fat a person. I am fasting today. I got a new stock of addies. I'll be good.

Food makes me physically ill.

So its 5 am. I have class at 8 am. FML. I have so much on my mind right now I can't even sleep. Ya my stomach is growling a little bit since all I had was oatmeal, just like 3 or 4 spoonfuls,since I really don't like oatmeal. Then I just had two cups of coffee and one cup of skim milk and then just selzter and water. I decided the only way I can reach my goal is if I really just stop eating. I really hate food. I am never going to be as hot as I want to be if I continue eating the way I use to. I want to be 115. I want to be disgustingly skinny that every part of my body is super skinny like my face, my back bones and spine need to be more visible and of course my thighs need to get like 10x smaller so that I can have the space in between them. I decided I just need to be obsessed with not eating anything and going to the gym. Instead of giving myself of month, like I said Nov 18 to reach 120, I have a powder puff football game nov 6 which is in 3 weeks so I will give myself til then to be 120, which I think is completely possible since I am 6 or so pounds away from that. By Nov 18, I should be 115. That is model thin. So hopefully I can continue not eating today. I am having a cup of coffee and a cig at 730 am before class and then hopefully just drinking water and red bull. I'll let you know if I eat anything, but if I get really hungry maybe fake eating will work instead of actual eating. goodnight.stay strong, ingnore the stomach growling and listen to Ana's voice! The hunger pain just means I am closer to my goal. Behind everything BEAUTIFUL, there is some kind of PAIN.

Behind everything beautiful, there is some kind of pain.

I gained 4 pounds back. Just to prove when I ignore ana, I fuck up big time. I was doing so good, and ignoring the stomach growling and the pain in my body from 3 days of no sleep, because I took too much adderall. I officially ran out of adderall, so all I have now is my willpower and ANA.  So basically this week will prove how strong or how weak I am.  I made a goal to be 120 by nov.18, so now I need to get back to 124 then 120, ughhhh. It will happen. Believe in ANA. Stay Strong XO