This is the motivation

158

I have been being better I suppose. I have been drinking a kale juice with lemon juice and ginger that I blend every morning. I've been fasting after the juice until about dinner time, but then I binge. I am not counting calories, I am not being disciplined of my work outs.I've been depressed for some time. It was triggered from my severe anxiety and now I am on medication that makes me feel sane or just numbs it. However, I feel like it inhibits my ability to lose weight. The pills don't make me hungry, but god only knows what it does to my body. I can tell my metabolism definitely slowed down extremely. I need to stop eating completely.I need to save all my money. I have a wedding to plan. I want to be 120 so bad. This picture will be my motivation for the week. I would like to lose these 8 pounds ASAP and move onto my next goal. I am going having my kale juice and then we are going to a shiva which will probably only be carbs, so I will have to choose wisely or fake eat and barely eat. I am going to run a few miles now and clear my head. It's about to explode with all the pressure to lose weight and just be perfect. I know I can be thin and perfect. I know. CW: 158 GW BY END OF WEEK: 150

161.4

So it's been 5 plus years since my last post. I feel like so much has happened and yet I have not come to far from where I was in 2010. This blog has always been about my battle with food and my weight. I won't delve too much into all the life changes I have had, but the most gruesome has been my weight gain. I remember last year when I was living on my own, I weighed in at 148 and I knew that was FAT, but I could manage to eat better and lose it. Somehow I just lost it. Now I weigh 161.4. 161.4 I can't get over that. 161.4. Some days I binge, some days I starve, but I am also 27 and not a 22 year old with a fast metabolism. I keep trying a new juice cleanse or classpass or intense sessions of soul cycle or running. Gosh, I haven't really ran. Not like I used too. Today I ran on my path by my parents, but its been so long since I ran everyday for miles. Of course, now I have a full time job and so many things I am constantly trying to accomplish. Anyways I will get into that on another post. I want to start this post how I left off... Today 1/19/15 I consumed a green juice (love this instead of coffee), I had nothing until dinner and I binged on chicken, sweet plaintains, 4oz rice and beans and a banana. Here is to hoping tomorrow I can fast all day and just consume natural juices, seltzer and black coffee. 1/19: 161.4 Goal for 2/19: 150