118

how did this happen? i weigh 118?!!?! oh maybe the fact that I haven't barely eaten in 3 days and I'm doing so good. Now i decided I will do anything to be thin cause its my only way to happiness. I used to think love or something else could make me happy but now I understand thin is the way to feel good, the way to happiness. A lot of craziness has been going on this week and I mean insanity!! This blog may be the only thing to keep me sane! My ex boyfriend who has been MIA for 2 yrs came back into my life unexpectingly. I was shocked. He has been one of the major reasons why I decided to be ana. So I decided to go see him two nights ago. I didn't eat the days before since I wanted to look extra skinny. Then I saw him and I thought everything was going to be so different like maybe I could still love him. But no. I went there and I realize how much better I am then him, like now I really realize. Thank You ANA! He said I looked really skinny like I'm a drugs---hey i'll take it. then he made a comment that my legs are still fat. Damn that hurts. But they are. It's my chubby, thick thighs, thank you mother. So new plan and new goal of 110. Because 115 just won't do. I am happy I am at 118. I just ate though lettuce, avocado and 4 small meatballs. No carbs but its the first thing I've had in 3 days and a little bit of carbs since I think my mom puts whole wheat bread in the meatballs. Anyways I feel now that I decided to put my ex in the past with everything else, I just feel free. free to be happy and give all my time to ana. I love starving and feeling empty and focus on other more important things. I'll update more later for now I'm going to go finish up some work and get ready and prepared for what will hopefully be my last semester of college!! woot woot Stay Strong x0