"What I wanted then && what I want now are two different things" Not stopping til I'm there

So it's been awhile...I slacked off with ana, so I felt guilty updating.  I feel like everytime the weekend comes, all goes to hell and bottles of wine, weed and patron can really make it hard to hear ana's voice. I feel like I can start over on Mondays. I've been alright today, one slice of whole with peanut butter=who knows how many calories.. too many. I realize when I'm tired I make bad food choices, I should have  had egg whites but too sleepy to cook. I was so mad cause I took a 10mg of addie but didnt work maybe just for two hours then I was hungry so I took another 10 mg and then I just had a cup of milk. I went to the gym, thank god, hadn't been there in like 4 days so bad!  I need to get serious. After the gym I made a salad with grilled chicken and tomatoes and baby greens and I just took maybe like 15 mg of addie cause I want to do some work tonight.  Something interesting happened today, I was looking at new pictures of my ex and his trashy girlfriend and almost felt so bad, like I use to feel a year ago. I use to revolve my whole life over this boy and when I think about all the time and money, lots of money I wasted on him and friends I lost and classes I failed and fights I got into with my parents and everyone over him, I get so so mad. I use to drink last year all the time after we broke up, like really bad like in the morning before class or before anything cause I couldnt function cause if I would let myself think, I would just cry. Thank God, I finally felt normal again in May after a year of not seeing him. But I really started caring about myself and not him or anyone else , recently when I found ana<3 She makes me remember that I am the most important person in the world.  I am so thankful for that, cause I couldn't see that until now.  I haven't weighed myself since last week when I was 126-128? Which is good, I am getting closer to my goal of 120, which I need to get to quickly. Since I havent been taking this serious enough, I am doing anything to get super skinny, probably less than 120, since I always look skinny from my stomach and arms, but I hate HATE my thighs, and legs...I should have model legs, where my thighs don't touch and its partly genetic cause of my mom, who was like 100 pounds but she 5'3 til she gave birth but even at 100 pounds she was soo skinny, yet her things were not perfect, i hate that! I need to get closer to perfection and I'm not using any excuses this week. I'm going to try to fast tommorrow, just coffee and water and no more then 300 cals, so that I can burn off some of the calories I've consumed at the gym.  I need to start my reading and catch up on it, before my addie wears off. I love this feeling-jittery and happy and I love cigs on addies so I am going to have one before I start work.  I am ending this post with an inspirational quote :) I really like the one" what I loved then, and what I love now, are two different things', but I changed it to "what I wanted then, and what I wanted now are so different", because I just realized this week, I use to be this insecure girl who cared about other people before myself. But now all I want is to be thin, to be happy.  It's the only thing I can control in my life and I will!X0 stay strong