This is the motivation

158

I have been being better I suppose. I have been drinking a kale juice with lemon juice and ginger that I blend every morning. I've been fasting after the juice until about dinner time, but then I binge. I am not counting calories, I am not being disciplined of my work outs.I've been depressed for some time. It was triggered from my severe anxiety and now I am on medication that makes me feel sane or just numbs it. However, I feel like it inhibits my ability to lose weight. The pills don't make me hungry, but god only knows what it does to my body. I can tell my metabolism definitely slowed down extremely. I need to stop eating completely.I need to save all my money. I have a wedding to plan. I want to be 120 so bad. This picture will be my motivation for the week. I would like to lose these 8 pounds ASAP and move onto my next goal. I am going having my kale juice and then we are going to a shiva which will probably only be carbs, so I will have to choose wisely or fake eat and barely eat. I am going to run a few miles now and clear my head. It's about to explode with all the pressure to lose weight and just be perfect. I know I can be thin and perfect. I know. CW: 158 GW BY END OF WEEK: 150

161.4

So it's been 5 plus years since my last post. I feel like so much has happened and yet I have not come to far from where I was in 2010. This blog has always been about my battle with food and my weight. I won't delve too much into all the life changes I have had, but the most gruesome has been my weight gain. I remember last year when I was living on my own, I weighed in at 148 and I knew that was FAT, but I could manage to eat better and lose it. Somehow I just lost it. Now I weigh 161.4. 161.4 I can't get over that. 161.4. Some days I binge, some days I starve, but I am also 27 and not a 22 year old with a fast metabolism. I keep trying a new juice cleanse or classpass or intense sessions of soul cycle or running. Gosh, I haven't really ran. Not like I used too. Today I ran on my path by my parents, but its been so long since I ran everyday for miles. Of course, now I have a full time job and so many things I am constantly trying to accomplish. Anyways I will get into that on another post. I want to start this post how I left off... Today 1/19/15 I consumed a green juice (love this instead of coffee), I had nothing until dinner and I binged on chicken, sweet plaintains, 4oz rice and beans and a banana. Here is to hoping tomorrow I can fast all day and just consume natural juices, seltzer and black coffee. 1/19: 161.4 Goal for 2/19: 150

how long before you screw it up.

I'm fasting today. coffee and water. 110. Stay Strong x0

Be a good girl, try a little harder. That simply wasn't good enough to make us proud.

skinny wins

Me at 118 two weeks ago. My legs were still fat. It's my problem area. SO I feel perhaps once I get to 110, my legs will finally shrink, lets hope so! I am hopefully fasting all day today. I've had about 4 cups of coffee already and water and oops ginger ale but i was starving so i guess soda might be better than food. I'm getting more coffee and going to the library in 20 minutes. Making moves today and not eating! P.S. Ana and Mia bracelets coming soon...I noticed their is not a good resource to order any of them from. I think this is a new little business plan for me and I'll order the supplies and start making them soon. I will also post pictures. Ok so quote of the day : EVERY TIME I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO EAT, I HAVE THE STRENGTH TO REFUSE.

stay strong x0

Ana's Bitch...Something always brings me back to you & it never takes too long.

Back to being Ana's bitch. Goal is 110, I'm about 120 now yo-yoing between 120-122, so I need to stop eating. Self-control! It's all about getting skinny and getting revenge! Stay Strong Bitches X0

118

how did this happen? i weigh 118?!!?! oh maybe the fact that I haven't barely eaten in 3 days and I'm doing so good. Now i decided I will do anything to be thin cause its my only way to happiness. I used to think love or something else could make me happy but now I understand thin is the way to feel good, the way to happiness. A lot of craziness has been going on this week and I mean insanity!! This blog may be the only thing to keep me sane! My ex boyfriend who has been MIA for 2 yrs came back into my life unexpectingly. I was shocked. He has been one of the major reasons why I decided to be ana. So I decided to go see him two nights ago. I didn't eat the days before since I wanted to look extra skinny. Then I saw him and I thought everything was going to be so different like maybe I could still love him. But no. I went there and I realize how much better I am then him, like now I really realize. Thank You ANA! He said I looked really skinny like I'm a drugs---hey i'll take it. then he made a comment that my legs are still fat. Damn that hurts. But they are. It's my chubby, thick thighs, thank you mother. So new plan and new goal of 110. Because 115 just won't do. I am happy I am at 118. I just ate though lettuce, avocado and 4 small meatballs. No carbs but its the first thing I've had in 3 days and a little bit of carbs since I think my mom puts whole wheat bread in the meatballs. Anyways I feel now that I decided to put my ex in the past with everything else, I just feel free. free to be happy and give all my time to ana. I love starving and feeling empty and focus on other more important things. I'll update more later for now I'm going to go finish up some work and get ready and prepared for what will hopefully be my last semester of college!! woot woot Stay Strong x0